The Coup That Fizzled
(Door Hugo Kijne te Hoboken USA)
Monday night, after Michigan certified its election results, Emily Murphy, the Administrator of the General Services Administration, finally acknowledged in a letter that Joe Biden was the apparent winner of the election and therefore the President Elect, although she didn’t use that title. She wrote that she came to that conclusion independently, which was contradicted by Trump, who claimed in a late night tweet that he had ‘allowed’ the GSA to work ‘preliminarily with the Dems,’ but also that his legal fight was not over and that he would never concede to the ‘election fraud.’ It was the end of a week that started with the president’s firing of Chris Krebs, who was in charge of cyber security at the Department of Homeland Security and had reported that the November 3rd election was ‘the most secure in American history.’ Subsequently Trump called the Republican Chairwoman of the Wayne County Board of Canvassers in Michigan, who was going back and forth with her certification vote, to check if she was ‘safe,’ probably with the line ‘it would be terrible if something happened to your beautiful children or your sweet little pooch.’
For his next step the president invited Michigan legislators to the White House, most likely to explore ways to have pro-Trump Electors dispatched to the Electoral College, but the next day his guests said that they had not been given any reason to deviate from standard procedures. Their visit was followed by a press conference of Trump’s ‘legal team,’ where Rudy Giuliani, once ‘America’s Mayor’ but now more famous for his Four Seasons Total Landscaping performance, with sweat and hair dye dripping off his face handed the crazy relay baton to Sidney Powell, Michael Flynn’s lawyer, who unearthed a conspiracy by Hugo Chavez, who has been dead since 2013, and George Soros to build election equipment that changed Trump votes into Biden votes. Following that presser Giuliani lost the president’s case in Pennsylvania, because according to the Judge Hizzoner’s arguments we ‘haphazardly stitched together like Frankenstein’s monster,’ and the governor of Georgia, Brian Kemp, a staunch Trump supporter, according to protocol certified Biden’s win in his state, prompting Sidney Powell to add Kemp to her growing list of anti-Trump conspirators.
Apparently Sidney Powell was too crazy even for Trump and Giuliani, after she had added Georgia Senator Kelly Loeffler to the list because Loeffler had not been willing to yield her seat to Doug Collins the legal team issued a statement that Powell was practicing law on her own and had never been part of the team, taking ‘throwing someone under the bus’ to the next level. On Tuesday Biden’s victory in Pennsylvania was certified and the Biden/Harris ticket passed 80 million votes nationally, but Trump demanded a now futile second recount in Georgia.
Normally the attempt by a sociopathic nominee to lose the same state for a third time would set off alarm bells in the mental health community, but Trump has raised the bar so high that medical professionals cannot get up there with him anymore, although some of his lawyers can. Monday night for instance Jenna Ellis Esq. tried to convince Ari Melber that the president won by a landslide, following Trump’s tweet that the General Services Administration does not decide who won the election.
As for the soon to be ex-president’s future there is a new rumor that Trump will not try to build a new streaming service to compete with Fox News and to milk his followers, because it’s too much work, but that he will give paid speeches and sell tickets for his future rallies. If it all works out for him we’ll witness the transformation of an orange baboon into the Elephant Man, at least until he runs again in 2024.
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